You know the song. It’s stuck in your head now. We don’t need to do anything else to describe it. Babies come out of the womb and their first immediate sounds are dun dun dun dun dun in rapid succession. That’s the kind of guy Funky D the DJ King is. Oh, wait. You said his name is Darude? … He’s too cool for that name. I think he’s Funky D the DJ King now. An AI told us we were cool for naming that too, so we must be cool.

John Hurst is your host this week and he finds a middle school connection we all had at least in our system. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got a multi-step process for braces.

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“What a lovely place you have!” your guests says as they sip the cup of tea you provided. You glance around nervously. Yes, it’s nice. You bought it. You know it. You just don’t know if it could be… Inside enough. The walls are all there as is the roof. But the windows are a weak point. Temporary allowances of outside penetrating this indoor space. And don’t even get started on the door. That’s the worst of the lot. No, you simply wish for more. You pet the lavish goose plush on your lap. Your only comfort. It keeps the outside thoughts… Out. Where they belong.

You do not reply. The goose does not honk. Your guest can sense the awkwardness in the air, but all else is still. You are not a very good host. You should work on this.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is worried about tunnel girth. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got a new tactic to use at the park against geese.

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The lullaby plays again. The occurrence begins again. It’s loop three. You’re back in your younger self. This time, you memorized all the great steps. The lotto numbers, the grunge era, the beanie baby fad. It’s all there in your head. You simply need to tell someone and convince them that this time around you are a voice that deserves listening to. “Call the president”, you tell your parental unit. “I can fix this conflict.” Your parental unit laughs and cuts the crust off your sandwich. This is not the intended outcome. But it’s a good start.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s not an AI voice model (Yet.) Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s trying to skip out on those middle school years this time around.

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The house stands victorious. It shares its walls with living things, but it is not owned by those constricted by the mortality of flesh. It is in control and the people that temporarily reside in its belly know it. They cannot place things normally. Where the thing goes, goes. To move it or attempt to control chaos is nigh impossible, especially in the house. You spy a roommate, but you’re not sure if they are a roommate or ensnared by its walls. They ask for the Febreeze. You know why. They know why. You both wish you didn’t.

Also, there’s a cat.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s looking for a specific Brendan Frasier DVD. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s not sure which kitchen he is in.

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Good News, Jamiroquai ! You don’t have to pay taxes ever again! We’ll get the the hat squad to do it for you! As long as they don’t take the hat off, you’re in the clear. You want to make the hat your thing? It’s your thing, isn’t it? We don’t have to ask. We know it. Okay, well, we, as the IRS, say go for broke! You’re a winner! Just uh, don’t cause any health code violations.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is okay. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he needs to get rid of this grill.

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