The can will follow you home. You have a forged a contract with it. It is beyond your control. It is a shadow, the true self. You desire to devour it. It desires to be devoured by you. Consume your desires. Become one with them. It is time. Persona 6 is wild, y’all.

John Hurst is your host this week and he and this cricket in the house aren’t getting along! Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s not recommended as a heavy-duty tape.

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The Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine waits for noone. You want rice/noodles made? You damn better be around to catch it. It’s got shit to do! It can’t be waiting for you! The Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine has places to be! It’s got to get home to its wonderful house and wonderful Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine wife and Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine children! The only button is green because it’s ALL GAS NO BRAKES. Well, maybe steam, not gas. Gas would be bad. Maybe it’s not steam either? We don’t know. Put a cabbage in there. Let’s see what we can make.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s getting the middle-tier of Renaissance faire clothing like the winner that he is! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s leaning into Medieval Times kayfabe.

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It’s time to demagnetize your stuff! And if doesn’t need to be, let’s magnetize it anyway! It’s fun, it gets the whole family involved and who knows, it might become your job until it is phased out completely by modern technology! Embrace it while you still can! The sea is calling! Not the ocean!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s setting the date on when a myth is formed on this episode. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s not taking a whole lot of care into erasing these tapes for education.

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The mission is totally impossible, right? Maybe? It seemed pretty doable to me. You get a face making machine and you can fight communism like all damn day. You ride a motorcycle, you sneak into a boat, you get Peter Graves to help type you with your novella and you’re home before you can discard all three of the things above. I guess when you have a crack team, everything is pretty doable! As long as it doesn’t involve a heavy magnet. You know, for magnet things. Get that thing away from my head!

We also learn some distressing facts about secret fanfiction you didn’t know you were watching! Come learn with us (and be distressed with us!)

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he needs all doctors to come to him to check this thing out. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s on one of those “doing” teams!

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Can the coach that brought the 1985 Chicago Bears bring your local soda brand to victory? Schweggman thinks so! Don’t worry about potentially food poisoning! Mike Ditka will solve your problem while you’re in agony! As long as it’s a sport and it involves coaching. If it doesn’t, sorry, Big Shot Soda and Mike Ditka are not responsible!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s already being a bad neighbor at his new place. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got the solution to all your outdoor problems in a chainsaw.

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Ask us questions at questions@videodeathloop.com!