Sisqo has a mission for you, and it starts with a simple word: “Thong”. Repeated multiple times, much like the catchphrase from another popular musician of the same era. Add a cello. A beach. A bunch of beautiful people. Make them dance. Get a helicopter. Go to a Godsmack show. Get kicked out of the Godsmack show. Whatever, you have a helicopter. You can go to any show in the tri-state area! Find another Godsmack show nearby. Land in the rafters. Listen to them sing “I Stand Alone” until they recognize you in the rafters. Flee from security in your helicopter. Another great day. Anyway, I swear we were talking about Sisqo in there somewhere.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s ready to become the dragon (and use the dragon among several music videos.) Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s going to buy a master blend of gummies from Target if he doesn’t stop looking at their page like right now AARON CLOSE THE TAB CLOSE IT CLO–

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Where did that Guitar Man come from? He was by our bed with a pick in his hand, ready to strum but was watching for us to awake. As soon as our eyes open, he starting singing and wailing about the wonders of corned beef and how much fun will be had if we get grandma to make it for us and runs away! And then he kidnaps up and whisks us away to Argentina where we live now! This happens every other weekend. We don’t even know where we’re really from anymore! But we sure got a lot of skymiles. And corned beef. Life isn’t all bad.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and his optimism about humanity’s fate in the existence vote is heartwarming and full of (regular) corn. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s placing those bets in Vegas while the odds are in our favor!

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It only takes a second“, they say! That takes several seconds to say, but on a second to feel the reprecussions! Everyone hanging onto your every word wondering what you mean by that when you only read it in a instructional safety video on the internet. You know you’re right but you don’t want to explain why. You don’t want to relieve the horrible atrocities of stunt actors and car crashes and throwing dummies onto random piles of sharp metal bits. You’re protecting them from your fate. You can’t even look at a lawnmower without thinking how you’d would have to force your foot into it through a rube goldberg scheme of accidental and purposeful mayhem. You leave the words hanging. They eventually get back to their coffee. You get back to your nightmares.

Anyway, the safety officer wants us to watch a new video! They said it would only take a second, so get in the ampitheater everyone!

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Awwww yeah, it’s snake skin shedding time! SSST for all those who are in the Snake know. Look at the green on that snake! It’s U.S. Treasury mint. Snakey’s got to be proud of that work! Even got a filmographer to show it in midaction! Check out each scale! Now the Snake is ready for the snake slither walk (Slightly heated.) Go work that slide, snake!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s getting in the tube early for Reasons(tm.) John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s dreaming about Snake Atlantis.

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It’s time for NASCAR. It’s time for Sponsorships! And it’s time for Kevin James to yell at you to make sure your engine is sufficient started!

Is it? Are you sure? Have you.. Have you turned the key? Is it one of those things where you need to keep it on your body and press the button for the car to turn on? Maybe check the gas? Oil? Windshield wiper fluid? Is the engine still not started yet? Uh, okay, Kevin James is looking *really* weird at us now. I don’t know, give him a hot dog before he runs away from this job. We gotta get him to say the words of NASCAR as we know it is OVER!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s waiting around to make sure the Grand Marshall has their fill oh hot dogs before beginning. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has an electric water pump!!!!!

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