What if…you played video games? The Ctrl + Alt + Del cartoon sets out to ask that heady question and precious little else. The answer it comes up with is a distressing mixture of self-congratulation and homicidal rage under a thin veneer of us-versus-them superiority, so it basically succeeds in its task.
To truly let its genius sink in, we watched the first episode of the webcomic-based cartoon at half speed. On loop. My God.
Aaron Littleton is your host and lead investigative journalist for this episode. John Hurst co-hosts and pretends to know very little about Tim Buckley.
Following the wild success of Home Alone, it was inevitable that its precocious star would be bestowed with that most precious of gifts: his own poorly thought-out Saturday morning cartoon. Alas, Macaulay Culkin’s Wish Kid was doomed to a single, quickly irrelevant season forgotten by almost everyone apart from the odd Buzzfeed listicle writer and, of course, our own John Hurst.
John Hurst slaps the baseball glove of hosting this week, with Wish Kid’s opening theme song as his chosen looping video. Aaron Littleton abandons his senses like the titular Wish Kid abandons a jet fighter to crash into a residential area.
Visit beautiful David Lynchville! A murder happened here once! But it’s okay, because that’s just the beginning of our troubles in Lynchville! Why, all our sawmills seem to whisper in calming, echoing ambient tones, luring the people of the town into watching a series of short pan shots of our totally unassuming and not weird at all town. You can trust us to look after your things! Just come by to pick them up in 25 years after we switch to a paid cable provider. What’s that? “Can I come back before then?”, you ask? NO.
Aaron Littleton hosts this week, investigating the odd occurrences of the loop that he just (fire)walked into. John Hurst co-hosts, having finalized the USA Network Schedule for 1992.
Achy Breaky 2 is the nadir of popular culture. I would say that western culture alone needs to own this, but when the aliens come with their singular DJ and their death rays, they will not discriminate based on the lines we draw on a map. They will simply process all of digitized culture in a matter of picoseconds, judge us wanting based solely on this video, eradicate us from the universe and move on. We won’t even have time to sit down our giant cans of Arizona tea.
Considering all of this very carefully, host John Hurst decided to watch the Achy Breaky 2 music video on loop. Co-host Aaron Littleton nearly had a melt down. Enjoy the pain.
Everyone, let us remember the simpler times. The times of the 90s. Where the only things we worried about were Dinosaur Movies and knockoffs and sequels, Volcano movies and knockoffs and sequels and Asteroid movies and knockoffs and sequels! We worried about movies a lot guys. They were big! And full of knockoffs! And sequels! But we got a lot more on our plate these days. Let’s only worry about one Asteroid movie: Deep Impact. Find out with us all about Morgan Freeman simultaneously working as our president and his narration career at the same time!
Aaron Littleton hosts this week, filling in for Elijah Wood’s stunt double. John Hurst’s co-hosts, mapping together the deep (impact) continuity of the Morgan Freeman cinematic universe.