Your destiny awaits you. Calling to you. Hoping you will respond to its texts. You’ve held it back for long enough while lying awake at night, staring blankly at the familiar ceiling that clouds your dreams. Are you picking the deck shoes… Or the penny loafers? Your feet desire comfort and safety, but also fashion. And maybe comfortable enough to be on a boat with. This keeps you up at night. You don’t know why, but it does. You find yourself unable to talk about anything else with your co-workers at work. They only want to talk you

Aaron Littleton is your host and he’s avoiding a lot of sharp things with his safe shoes.. John Hurst is your co-host and he learned he is the person of the hour far too late.

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Is there anything less enticing that a non-alocholic ad for a day of significance Americans love to alcohol it up on? Sources say no. Everyone says no. But Party City says maybe? We’re not sure if they said yes. They clearly hired actors to act like they’re having a party so they’re trying their best. But everyone looks like they are in the highs of just learning of what dubstep is and how it would change their local dance and sports bar. And I guess in that way we all succeed. Pass the venetian blind sunglasses. It’s go time.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s overclocking this vape in the corner. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is helping to evolve the English language to its rightful final form.

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Wake Up! There’s a complete breakfast to be had! You must consume it now. Make it uncomplete! Nabisco Brands depends on you for the profit forecast! We rented three bear suits and one of them will not give theirs back! We hired him on as staff as a barter for getting the suit and our deposit back but we made things very, very, very much worse. Look, after you complete that breakfast, come up to my office. We got a box of cereal blankets waiting for you. At a cost. Are you willing to accept the responsibility of the Teddy Graham?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is haunted. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s ramping it up!

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You know the song. It’s stuck in your head now. We don’t need to do anything else to describe it. Babies come out of the womb and their first immediate sounds are dun dun dun dun dun in rapid succession. That’s the kind of guy Funky D the DJ King is. Oh, wait. You said his name is Darude? … He’s too cool for that name. I think he’s Funky D the DJ King now. An AI told us we were cool for naming that too, so we must be cool.

John Hurst is your host this week and he finds a middle school connection we all had at least in our system. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got a multi-step process for braces.

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“What a lovely place you have!” your guests says as they sip the cup of tea you provided. You glance around nervously. Yes, it’s nice. You bought it. You know it. You just don’t know if it could be… Inside enough. The walls are all there as is the roof. But the windows are a weak point. Temporary allowances of outside penetrating this indoor space. And don’t even get started on the door. That’s the worst of the lot. No, you simply wish for more. You pet the lavish goose plush on your lap. Your only comfort. It keeps the outside thoughts… Out. Where they belong.

You do not reply. The goose does not honk. Your guest can sense the awkwardness in the air, but all else is still. You are not a very good host. You should work on this.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is worried about tunnel girth. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got a new tactic to use at the park against geese.

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